Tell Jack The Ripper Theres A New Sherrif In Town!

It was monday afternoon when i was set loose in O.R Tambo airport with nothing but my bags, my passports and my camera. Im franticly trying to get to gate A5 which at the time seemed impossible to find . My flights boarding, my breath stinks of Hansa draught and cigarettes, i start sweating as the reality of being in Europe for a year sinks in and im feeling sorry for the poor innocent passenger that has to sit next to this horrible sight. Im walking down the narrow isle of the 747 and i can only hope im left with a decent human being for the next 10 hours. I find that im right across the isle from an 80 year old woman who tried to force feed me all her extra aeroplane desert any chance she could , "you look like a nice young Lad that likes his sugar", she repeats as i get closer and closer to becoming diabetic and dying on the way to London. I grab my new Nick Cave novel and dive into a deep blackhole of literate ecstacy as my brain gets filled with profanities and death. The air hostess takes a gander at my book as shes pouring my coffee and she gets hit in the frontal lobe with , "she could continue to walk away and the day would roll on in all its dismal eventuality or she could turn around and her sweet, young life would open up like, um , a vagina or something.", i dont think i got any coffee for the rest of the flight. Only dirty looks and pudding from my old lady friend.I take out my video camera to document the vegitable lasagne they placed in front of me which resembled an old flat piece of human flesh carefully placed on top of mushed up soft plastic. Another air hostess(man this time...i think?) rushed over and told me to put my camera away "or you can get into big trouble". He death stares me as i quietly eat my human plastic . The ten hours are soon over and i walk out of the airport at 6.30 am into a dark, rainy, cold beautiful day in London and im soon greeted by Ricardo who will be hosting me for the first week of my trip. The Adventure has just begun and even though it sounds like a shaky start i loved every minute of it. Thanks again to Pat and Morck at DC for having faith in horor...

More updates will follow shortly if im still alive.